Before we get to baby Mvelo Khoza, may I just say I never saw Phathutshedzo Makwarela and Gwydion Beynon ruining a little child’s imbeleko. Yes, they habitually wreck weddings and funerals but did we ever think they would be as heartless as to mess up a child’s special day? I mean who in their right mind does that!
Noma proves her loyalty
By the time Harriet took the revolver from Noma’s hand, its cylinder was completely empty. She had fired five bullets into Charles who died on Harriet’s floor. Harriet took Noma upstairs to spare her any further trauma. Before the two women left the room, Harriet gave Brutus, Shaka and Kagiso instructions to get rid of the body. But much, much later when she came back downstairs, Charlie was still dead on her floor. Brutus and Shaka, completely deficient of respect for the dead, hopped over his body like he was just a smear on the pavement, or a dead guinea fowl, crushed by a lorry headed for Mozambique. In fact, Brutus wanted to urinate on Charlie. He would have too, if Kagiso hadn’t reminded him about leaving his incriminating DNA on the corpse. At least this time Brutus and Shaka did not sing their disrespectful song like they did when Harriet’s abusive father died. Ufile, ufile, ufil’ uSatane
Shaka and Brutus brainstormed a suitable resting place for Charlie; perhaps a mine shaft, no that won’t do. Kagiso suggested they dump the body some place where it couldn’t be traced back to them. But Noma reminded everyone that Charlie was a star witness and his death may draw unnecessary attention to the Khozas. His death had to appear like a suicide. They settled on laying him across a railway line. After Kagiso removed all the bullets, they left the body on a railway. And choo-choo, Charles caught his last train. Cue Bra Hugh’s Stimela song.
Vuyiswa falls for husband’s killer
Vuyiswa has been missing her late husband, Jerry Maake. She and Thato decided to hold a tombstone unveiling ceremony for Jerry. Friends and colleagues were invited. But Hector Sebata’s guilt wouldn’t allow him to accept such an invite.
The Maake relatives (one uncle and the beautiful cousin Maipelo whose real name is Mmarona Motshegoa) were in attendance.
Vuyiswa’s longing for her dead husband drove her to seeing Jerry similarities in Hector. The station commander had intended to keep his distance from the woman he made a widow but his eldest daughter, Thando encouraged him to spend time with Vuyiswa, so that he could deflate the balloon of guilt swelling up inside him.
After the extended family had departed, Hector called in on Vuyiswa. She offered him some wine, which he accepted. When she handed him the wine bottle to open, their hands touched — accidentally on purpose, who knows. But they had “a moment” after the hand collision. Eyeballs meeting, gaze bashfully dropping to the floor, that sort of thing. Could Vuyiswa be falling for the man who made her a widow?
Please no! Anybody but that chameleon Sebata.
Mvelo meets her ancestors
Okay, I did not expect the private school educated Kagiso’s IsiZulu vocabulary to go beyond babomncane and sawubona. So when he suggested the imbeleko — introducing his daughter Mvelo to the khoza underground gang — I was a little confused. When Kagiso asked Goodness for her opinion on the matter, she was very much for the idea. A Zulu ceremony on The Queen? Sounds like a job for Uncle Brutus.
Harriet wasn’t happy to simply burn impepo and chant clan praises. She wanted to make a party of it. She had already paid the caterer for Noma and Charlie’s wedding so it wasn’t going to cost her anything to change the caterer’s brief from wedding to imbeleko.
In keeping with Zulu culture, a blameless goat gave its life for Mvelo to meet the Hlase ancestors. As if the poor animal had any part in Kagiso and Goodness having unprotected sex.
After the baphansi meeting ceremony, the Khozas welcomed their guests. There was a band of traditional dancers and the caterer had elaborately transformed the yard into something from a glossy magazine. This was the ceremony of a six-ten month old baby. Rich people are just over the top, man. But nobody expected disaster. It wasn’t Shaka and Mmabatho’s explosive boat wedding, it wasn’t Lindy and Shaka blood soaked wedding either. So surely the event would pass without incident. Wrong!
Where is baby Mvelo
Mvelo had been passed from hand to hand all afternoon – which is the most irresponsible thing to do with a baby during these covid times. When Goodness went upstairs to her daughter’s crib, she found… nothing. She checked with Antoinette, Harriet, Kagiso, but nobody had Mvelo. She ran around calling Mvelo’s name, as if the child is old enough to respond “yes mummy!”
The Khozas searched their vast data base of hired private investigators. I had hoped they would bring in the curvaceous Vivian, remember her?
With her baby missing and nobody calling with a ransom demand, Goodness laid in bed, without food or water.
Badly staged suicide
In these days of over-abundance in forensic TV shows – CSI Miami, CSI New York, CSI, Dexter, Bones – you would expect any screenwriter worth his salt to know the basics of body disposal. Even if you never went to forensics school, you know about peri and post mortal injuries, you know about blood pooling and blood spatter.
Shaka, Brutus and Kagiso dumped Charlie’s body on a railway line where an oncoming train chopped him into head, torso and feet. But remember Charlie’s body bled out at the Khoza mansion. A qualified forensic expert would notice that there was very little blood at the train cash incident; red flag. The train’s wheels most likely created post-mortem cuts, which are very different from injuries sustained by a living man during a train smash.
Furthermore, did anyone count the gunshots from Noma’s revolver? A revolver holds six bullets. Noma fired five rounds before the gun made click, click noises indicating it was empty. Watch the video.
I’m not sure why an entire cast and crew didn’t bother to count; one two three four and five shots. But still, we await the next episode with baited breath.
Say a prayer for baby Mvelo.
Till next week, my pen is capped.
The Queen airs weekdays at 9:00pm on Mzansi Magic and is also available on DSTV Catch Up and Showmax
Image and videos from YouTube
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