Production of new episodes of all the addictive Mzansi Magic telenovelas is well and truly underway. The fans can’t wait to see what is in store. Enough about the future, let’s get into what happened last week on The Queen.
Patronella collects her black tax
Despite stern warnings from higher up, Georgina continued working two jobs in order to help her parents financially. Mjekejeke and Patronella’s rural house collapsed and, as such, slay cop Georgina is looking like she escaped from the set of The Walking Dead. Apart from donating R28,000, Georgina also paid for Patronella’s building supplies. If there is one good thing about Georgina’s busy work schedule, it is that she has been too tired to pester her parents about quitting their jobs. Mjekejeke is a mechanic at Khoza Trucking – a front for a vast cocaine business – and Patronella is the house help at the Mabuzas, who also sell drugs. Law enforcement officers tend to frown on drug vendors.
Quiz – what is Goodness favourite hobby?
In the past three weeks or so, Kagiso had fallen out of love – out of lust – with Siyanda. But, being the sweet and caring rescuer of damsels in trouble, Kagiso was buying time, or working up the courage to dump her. After Siyanda, the coke addict, relapsed to her bad habit, Kagiso had no choice but to break off the relationship. This paved the way for Kagiso to focus entirely on Goodness, his side chick – newly promoted to main chick. So we thought. But Goodness pulled the handbrake, just as Kagiso was about to launch into a full blown romance. “I can still smell the scent of Siyanda on you”, she said. Get over her before you can begin a new relationship. For a moment, it looked like Goodness had simply pursued Kagiso just to take him away from Siyanda. If you have been watching The Queen for as long as I have, then you will recall that Goodness seduced Thabiso – at the time Siyanda’s man – only to dump him when she got bored with him. Clearly, taking Siyanda’s men is her favourite pastime.
But wait – Goodness did not dump Kagiso. After a momentary halt, Goodness pushed the handbrake down and allowed herself to leap into romance with Kagiso. There was a hilarious moment of coitus interruptus, when Tanci Mziwoxolo walked in just as Kagiso’s mouth was advancing towards Goodness’ face. Mziwoxolo, who seems to have elected himself the defender of the chastity of his late brother’s home was full of disapproval.
“Niyaphuzana, endlini kabhuti!”
Getting rid of uncle Mziwoxolo
Uncle Mziwoxolo’s stay lasted a week, which must have felt like a year to Goodness because she and Kagiso had to sneak around behind his back. In the end, Goodness convinced her uncle to begin a cattle breeding project back home, ostensibly to create a legitimate business for his niece to fall onto once she quits the drug trade. Mziwoxolo might be a man from a sleepy village in the Cape, but he sensed that Goodness was merely trying to get rid of him. But there was the small matter of R80,000. Mziwoxolo capitulated and went home, leaving Goodness free to fornicate with Kagiso, right there in Goldfinger’s hallowed house. There was even a déjà vu moment, where Kagiso – forever the romantic – presented breakfast in bed to Goodness. Two seasons ago, Kagiso, who had abandoned his family to live with the Mabuzas, he fed her on eggs on bacon in the very same bed.
A shock for The Queen
Harriet was growing increasingly frustrated with Kagiso’s numerous vanishing acts. Her favourite child – normally predictable and dependable – was spending nights away, missing family meetings, neglecting to do chores, all of which had Harriet wondering what addictive woman had replaced Siyanda so soon. Dingane, who knew the identity of the mystery lady pleaded ignorance, just as he had pretended not to know about Siyanda’s drug habit. This raises the question; if Dingane is no snitch, then why did he tell Mmabatho that Shaka had killed her mother with a car bomb? We have not forgiven the treacherous Dingane for that!
Harriet secured exclusive Africa-wide distributorship of narcotics from her Columbian connect. To celebrate, she threw a party. Goodness is a Khoza business associate. So it was not very surprising to Harriet when she arrived for the bash. Until Kagiso kissed her on the mouth in full view of Harriet and Brutus. Harriet, The Queen herself, who normally sees eight moves ahead on the chess board, never saw that coming. More on the kissing couple later.
No ubuntu from Buntu
Since his arrival in Jozi, Buntu has been curious about Schumacher’s beef with their father. Of course, big brother had been evasive and offered only the numerous beatings he received as the reason for leaving home. Mjekejeke urged Schumacher to open up to Buntu and tell him the real reason, which is that his father abused him in futile attempt to beat the bisexuality out of him. But Schumacher was worried that Buntu would not understand.
Buntu, being jobless and somewhat in awe of Schumacher, was following his big brother to work. This led to Schumacher asking Thato to give his brother a job. But Thato is unable to help. Siyanda, however, is someone Thato is willing to help. When she vanished to her drug rehab clicinic – unbeknown to him – he filed a missing persons report.
Still on Thato, the Corner House manager was on the phone organizing a party when he mentioned Schumacher’s versatile sexual preference. And Buntu overheard him. The secret was out.
Buntu was blunt in his new opinion of his older brother. He used words like “disgusting”. This was until the hunger pangs began. He asked Schumacher for lunch money.
“I disgust you but my money doesn’t repulse you?”
The Schumacher ATM was closed to Buntu.
Kagiso’s complicated love life
Even after Kagiso dumped Siyanda, Goodness never felt very secure. Her sense of insecurity worsened when Kagiso told her Siyanda’s drug rehab clinic had him as next of kin. There is an old saying:
“He who marries his mistress creates a vacancy”
Kagiso left Siyanda for his side chick. Being the ex side chick, Goodness must be aware that there is now room for a new makhwapeni. And then Siyanda showed up at the party. The Khozas stopped breathing.
Till next week, my pen is capped
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