Shaka Khoza is back on The Queen and fans are so happy-not happy that we had an embarrassing mix-up. Nobody knows precisely why SK Khoza had exited Mzansi Magic’s top telenovela but he should never have left in the first place. He is, after all, the only true Bhovungane in the fictional Khoza family.
But first, let’s talk about Mzansi’s Barbie doll cop.
End of black tax?
After months of working two jobs and almost sleeping with a scoundrel for money, Georgina finally saw her parents’ house standing in its full glory. Georgina proudly showed Patronella and Mjekejeke a picture of the house. But, to nobody’s surprise, Patronella demanded to know why it was not painted. She further asked for the whereabouts of the ceiling. Patron Ella is the sort of person to take a gift horse to the dentist for a thorough tooth inspection.
Thato makes history
He has seen all his crushes taken from under his nose; Mamiki used Thato for money while secretly sleeping with his uncle Roy, Akhona — who, strictly speaking is a relative and therefore out of bounds — chose Kagiso even when Thato told her “you deserve better” (translated, choose me) as did Siyanda.
— Mzansi Magic (@Mzansimagic) June 6, 2018
So it came as a surprise when Milly singled out Thato from all the 54 million people in Mzansi to sleep with her. You know that thing they say about taxi cabs? When you desperately want one, there is none insight. But when finally you find a taxi cab, there are two, three, four of them.
It was just another day at the Corner House when a young lady from out of town arrived in search of entertainment. Rather than simply serving her a drink, Thato sat down to talk. After an exchange of phone numbers and, later a disastrous date, she gave him a second chance. Thato grabbed it with both hands — the opportunity, not the girl — and redeemed himself. After a much better second date, Thato took the girl — Warona — back to his uncle’s place where they snuck in like thieves. Because that’s what happens in black families. You can be 25 years old but nobody wants to hear about you sleeping with anyone.
After a night of giggles in the darkness, Thato snuck Warona out of the house before the Maakes spotted anything.
Thato went from a severe drought to a flood of women. And all of them related. Okay, it’s just two women. But it’s mother and daughter, which makes him a legend, inja ye game!
Vuyiswa later invited Milly and her daughter to dinner. Thank goodness Thato arrived late. If the two had walked in while he was eating, he might have choked on his food. Until the dinner, Thato had no idea that Warona was Milly’s daughter. The question now is — no it’s not who is better in bed between mother and daughter, even though that is worth pondering — will Thato continue to see both of them?
Shaka goes Dexter Morgan
It’s not just empty proverbs when people say “the wheel turns” because the wheel really does turn. Remember when Kagiso had Shaka and Brutus tied down and screaming for mercy in an abandoned warehouse?
After returning from the dead, Shaka messed with Dingane and Kagiso’s heads as he pondered his revenge. He finally got the two cousins to confess to his accidental death with Harriet and Brutus listening in. Naturally the elders were livid. During a family meeting, Brutus offered his gun to Shaka, urging him to shoot Kagiso and Dingane. Shaka cocked the pistol and put it back on the table, perhaps knowing what would happen next. Brutus picked up the gun and shot Kagiso. He lived. But he and Dingane were disinherited and banished from the Khoza home as punishment which I find a little weird. Kagiso was only trying to hold Shaka back from killing Dingane when he accidentally killed him — so he thought. Furthermore, it was Dingane who told Mmabatho about the circumstances of her mother’s death. But Kagiso has been beaten twice and dumped in the cemetery by Shaka and shot by Brutus. Either the scriptwriters are nuts or Shaka and Brutus need a head doctor.
Anyway, Shaka later took Dingane and Kagiso to secluded place where he tied them up and tortured them with water and electricity until they passed out. Shaka telephoned Harriet to tell her he had killed Kagiso and Dingane before dropping them off anonymously at a hospital. The two were nursed back to consciousness. To prevent police involvement, Harriet and Brutus quickly smuggled them to a private hospital. Once they were well enough to be discharged and taken home, Shaka made his way to Kagiso’s room and promised him a rectangular hole next to their late father, Mzi. Again, either the writers are mad, or Shaka is a nutcase. Does he not know the way to Dingane’s bedroom? Why is Kagiso the target of his rage?
To try and placate his insane brother, Kagiso traveled all the way to Limpopo to find Mmabatho. He hoped that if he brought her back to Shaka, his brother might finally bury the hatchet. Mmabatho refused to talk to Kagiso. The only thing that Kagiso managed to bring back was a photo of Mzi Khoza II. But even this did not soften Shaka’s heart.
The big mix-up with Shaka
Every telenovela has its odd foul up and inconsistencies in plot. There are even mistakes with props and the set. Producers of telenovelas are under pressure to quickly churn out content for a demanding audience, especially during this time when production had stopped due to the coronavirus lockdown. When the lockdown was partially lifted, film crews had to shoot several weeks of new episodes within a month. Credit to them.
In the past, we have seen Thato opening the fridge in the Maake kitchen but the interior light of the refrigerator never came on. Diamond Mabuza lay in a hospital bed with a tube in his nose, but the tube ended abruptly behind his ear, as if nobody on set thought the viewers would spot it.
But Diamond’s breathing tube is minor in comparison to last week’s gaff. Remember in October 2019 Dingane burned the van with Shaka inside it? You don’t remember? Never mind. Here you go.
PLEASE FORGIVE ME
Moments before torching Shaka’s body, Dingane begs the ancestors for forgiveness.
— Mr Write✪ ™ (@jerazw) October 28, 2019
— Gangstaleeshus (@YeahKeBright) June 22, 2020
Fast forward to June 2020 and the writers of The Queen Mzansi tell us it was actually Skhova who was assigned to burn the van. Shaka regained consciousness before Skhova could torch him inside the van. After accepting a large payment, Skhova burned the van and helped Shaka disappear to the rural areas where he hid for months.
Now here’s a question that the reasonable man — or woman — would ask. Did they think we had amnesia?
Till next week, my pen is capped
images from Twitter