Before getting into the recap of last week’s instalment of Khaya, Shaka, Schumacher, The Queen, I feel I must issue a disclaimer. If you have followed this column from the beginning, or glanced at my social media content, then you will be aware of my fondness for the Ferguson Films drama. Therefore it comes from a loving heart when I say…
That – was – some – awful – acting.
Schumacher caught cheating
From the moment Schumacher and Mpho hooked up, it was always a question of when, not if, Schumie would cheat on her. The crafty, gold-digging Schumacher had his sights set on marriage, in his own words, to “secure his financial future”. But even before Mpho had walked down the aisle to join him at the altar, Schumacher was caught naked with a man in his one roomed accommodation. For reasons that nobody can fathom, Mpho forgave Schumacher. But three-four months into the marriage, Schumacher’s ex boyfriend, Tshepo, came back strong. One moment Tshepo was dancing with other people at the Corner House – for Schumacher’s benefit of course – and the next, they were together at the Sebata house. Yes, imagine! Even though Mpho’s money gives him access to hotels and BnBs, Schumacher took his side dish to his father-in-law’s house while the Sebatas were out to dinner. When Mpho entered the kitchen she came face to face with a night-gowned Tshepo. Running down Tshepo’s chin was a white liquid which could have been milk, mayonnaise or evidence of Schumacher’s poor aim. I don’t even want to know what that white spray was.
Not long after Mpho walked in, Schumacher entered the kitchen too, followed by Hector and Thando.
Mpho went into her customary emotional meltdown during which she cried, starved herself and made me hate Schumacher. Not because I feel sorry for Schumacher cheating on her but because these crying scenes don’t bring out Mpho, real name Ntando Duma’s best acting skills. Her speech is often… passionless and unconvincing.
Divorce papers served
After Schumacher ran away from the Sebata house, Thando and Hector tracked him down. They caught up with him at his favourite haunt, the Corner House. Hector did not want to see Schumacher make off with any part of Mpho’s remaining money. In the Corner House alley, Hector crushed Schumacher’s windpipe and threatened him with grievous bodily harm if he even dared contest the inevitable divorce. With the air stuck in his throat and eyes bulging, Schumacher nodded his consent. He would accept the divorce without hesitation.
Mpho then went and stalked Schumacher until she found him chilling with Siyanda and Thato at the Maake home. Mpho became all handsy with Thato, obviously trying to make Schumacher jealous. Sadly for Thato, Mpho later on apologized for using him to make Schumacher jealous. Still hurting, Mpho went and took back the keys to the car she bought for Schumacher, along with his expensive watch. Although she took all the clothes she had bought him, she abandoned then outside the front door, for what, I don’t know. Later, a much calmer Mpho returned to Schumacher’s place.
When she asked if he ever loved her, Schumacher for once told the truth. He had only married her for money. Mpho pulled off the wedding ring and held it in her fist, which would have been a symbolic act, if she was going to drop it on the soon-to-be ex-husband’s lap. But Mpho kept the ring because she paid for the damn thing, just as she paid her own lobola, remember! She then left the divorce papers with Schumacher.
Khaya tricks dangerous gangsters
After a very frank father and son conversation, during which Shaka explained that he was trying to save Khaya from the life of drugs into which he was forced by Mzi Khoza, the delinquent junior Khoza turned a new leaf. He gave back the drugs he had stolen from the family. But Cici – part girlfriend and part business partner to Khaya – wasn’t ready to give up their new trade. She had found small time dealers to whom she supplied the stolen cocaine. When Khaya could no longer supply her with coke, she got into a lot of trouble. Apart from being short on re-up, Cici owed the Untouchables a lot of money. Cici asked Khaya to steal more drugs so that she could move the weight and repay the gang.
Khaya had put the drugs behind him but Cici showed him evidence of a beating from the Untouchables. Her bruised eye moved Khaya. He overheard Brutus telling Shaka about a drug dealing business associate who had bought icing sugar disguised as cocaine. Khaya thought this was a brilliant idea. He packed icing sugar into ziplock bags and gave it to Cici. This would later be discovered by the Untouchables. Khaya also took a punch to the face for Cici.
Khaya takes a gun to a knife fight
At the next altercation with the Untouchables, one of the gang punched Khaya in the stomach. And surprise, Khaya pulled out Harriet’s gun which he stole from her bedroom. The gang leader grabbed Cici and put a knife to her throat, threatening to kill her if Khaya (real name Paballo Koza) did not surrender the weapon. Khaya fired a warning shot which scared not only the gang but himself too. But the Untouchables retained their hold on Cici. Siyanda came on the scene to find Khaya – her almost nephew – in a standoff with the gangsters. She pleaded with Khaya not to shoot anyone because, jail, ruined life, wasted potential. But Khaya threatened her with the gun. The awful actors behind him – the Untouchables – stood there, instead of running away while Khaya had his back to them. I swear I want my DSTV subscription back!
— Jay™ Writes✍️ (@RewindMzansi) April 8, 2021
When Siyanda backed away, she rang Kagiso who ignored the phone the moment he saw her name and number flash on his screen. She rang Harriet who answered in a cold voice. For once Harriet was glad to hear Siyanda had to say.
The Khozas sped off to the Corner House. By the time they arrived, Tembisa Police were on the scene with the area cordoned off. It was officially a hostage situation. With the cops battling to keep the Khozas from breaching the yellow tape, Shaka snuck around and surprised two of the gang members, he punched one and dispensed with the other with just one karate kickk. He left the third member who had a knife to Cici’s throat. Placing himself between Khaya and the one gangster who remained standing, Shaka pleaded with his son to give him the gun. As Khaya made to hand over the pistol, the Untouchables leader pounced on Shaka. They wrestled for control of the gun until Shaka overpowered him. Just as Shaka was about to thump the Untouchable – for bad acting as much as endangering Khaya’s life – Vuyiswa arrived and stopped the fight.
Khaya was arrested and walked off to the police van along with the Untouchables ring leader who deserved locking up for awful acting.
At the police station, Khaya told the truth – most of it anyway – that he stole his grandmother’s gun to defend himself from the bullies. Vuyiswa did not press charges which isn’t only out of character – remember Vuyiswa arrested her own nephew Thato – but is inconsistent with the law. Khaya discharged a firearm in a public place, carried a concealed weapon, all without a gun license. The license is in Harriet Khoza’s name so this is a serious offence from which Vuyiswa simply released Khaya. A case of lazy story research, if you ask me.
Back at the Khoza mansion, Khaya decided he would go back to school after all. No more online lessons. After exchanging goodbyes with the family, Khaya departed in the passenger seat of Shaka’s car.
Casting director to blame
The main actors of The Queen are good to excellent. Loyiso Macdonald, Themba Ndaba have won the show awards before. But the casting department seems to pick extras and bit part actors based on rock-paper-scissors. Ntando Duma as Mpho isn’t really threatening to win a SAFTA and the Untouchables ruined what was supposed to be the climax to Khaya Khoza’s storyline. Fifteen years from now, nobody will remember Khaya’s dalliance with drugs. They will remember the terrible acting by the rock-paper-scissors chosen actors who make up The Untouchables.
The storyliners also deserve an ear-pulling. When Schumacher left the Sebata house, he took his bag to Mjekejeke and Patronella’s house where he pleaded for a couch to crash on. Sis Pat refused him refuge. And where did Schumacher go? To his old backroom, which still contained television, bed and other modern comforts. So why the hell did the storyliners have Schumacher seek accommodation at Mjakes house?
I want my DSTV subs back.
Till next week, my pen is capped
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The Queen airs weekdays on Mzansi Magic DSTV at 9:00pm and is also available on DSTV catch-up and Showmax