Thato funeral the Queen

Ten things we learned from Thato ’s death [The Queen]

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I read somewhere that “Those whom the gods wish to destroy, they first make mad” and this is fitting to the story of Thato, real name Xolani Mayekiso, on The Queen. From the moment Thato found out about Hector’s secret life, he seemed intent on following his uncle, Jerry to the grave.

Thato learns Hector’s secret

At Hector and Vuyiswa’s engagement party, Schumacher got seriously drunk, so drunk that he told Thato that his aunt was about to marry a drug dealer. When sobriety returned, Schumacher denied that he had said anything about Hector being the South African Pablo Escobar. But Thato’s curiosity had already been aroused. He began to ask questions. Thato had given up his search for dirt on Hector when he went to the Sebata house. There he overheard Thando and Hector, deep in conversation about their plans to overthrow the Khozas as Africa’s biggest cocaine suppliers. Before anyone had seen him, Thato crept out of the Sebata home.

Detective Thato

Thato was bent on getting proof of Hector’s dirty business, he did not believe that Vuyiswa would leave him on just his word. Through Siyanda, Thato found out that Jaros’ girlfriend, Anna (real name Asanda Hanabe) frequents the corner house. Siyanda was worried that Thato was skating on thin ice because she knew that if Hector was indeed a drug dealer, he would be a dangerous man. Siyanda should know, she dated a drug dealer, Kagiso Khoza.

Thato found Anna and plied her with alcohol like a man with weak shela game hoping to get lucky. The drunk woman told him everything, including the fact that Hector was the puppet master in Jerry Maake’s death at the golf course. Once she had sobered up, Anna told Hector about Thato asking her questions. Hector told Thando about the Thato problem and she said she would fix things.

Thando tracked down Thato and she and Hector chased him down in their car. Thato got away, after they intercepted him. During the high speed chase, Thato attempted to make a phone call. He dropped his phone and then tried to reach for it. Distracted, he lost control of his car which veered off the road before it crashed into a tree.

Hector leaves Thato to die

Thando and Hector arrived on the scene to find Thato bleeding, with half of the windscreen stuck in his chest. Not even the most powerful ancestors could save him. Thando wanted to finish off Thato with a bullet to the head but Hector advised against it. They got into their car and left Thato to die.

Hector arrived in time to walk down the aisle and say “I do” to Vuyiswa who remains blissfully ignorant of his drug dealer life. During the wedding reception, Officer Mbele and another cop arrived with caps pressed to their chests. Everyone knows it’s never good news when cops take off their hats. Mbele announced Thato’s death. Vuyiswa wept into the shoulder of the very man who was culpable for Thato’s death.

Santiago rejects Harriet’s offer

Meanwhile, Columbia’s drug supplier, Santiago (real name Frederico Fernandez) had turned on the Khozas. Even though he had a last minute change of heart, Hector threatened Santiago, telling him that he would use his policemanly powers to ruin the Santiago-Khoza drug business. Santiago unwillingly agreed to an exclusive supply deal for the Sebatas.

When the Khozas found out that Sebata had backstabbed them, Harriet advised that they all pretend they didn’t know of the betrayal. They invited Thando for drinks. Shaka drugged her wine. When she fell asleep, he cloned her phone.

Now armed with Santiago’s new phone number, Shaka made an appointment with Santiago who accepted the meeting, thinking it was Thando. But when the Khozas met Santiago they found an immovable wall. He had decided to move his business to Sebata and he wasn’t changing his mind.

A desperate Brutus offered him “escorts”, women he found at his favorite bhusha. Santiago rejected the offer.

Harriet saves Santiago 

Hector was dancing with Vuyiswa when Santiago shut himself in a hotel room with a woman. When he woke up, she lay next to him — dead from a drug overdose. He rang Hector, who didn’t answer. He rang Thando, she too was at the wedding and didn’t pick up. He rang the only other person he knows in South Africa, Harriet Khoza. She knew she had him by the balls.

Harriet summoned Kagiso and Shaka to the hotel for a cleanup job. They made it so that Santiago was never there, the dead hooker vanished. But Harriet kept a video of Santiago with the dead call girl. Once Shaka and Kagiso has “disappeared” Candy the dead call girl, Harriet gave Santiago an ultimatum; dump Hector Sebata or his wife and dad see the video of him with the dead hooker. Santiago did what any married man would do. He signed a long-term deal with Khoza Trucking.

Thato has been a fixture on The Queen since Season Two when he arrived as a drug addicted lackey to criminal mastermind, Diamond Mabuza. His tenure on The Queen came to an explosive climax during which we learned a few things. These are the ten lessons we learned from Thato’s death

Mercedes is overrated?

When Thato was cornered by Hector and Thando, he wrestled free and got away in his VW Golf 7, leaving Hector’s superior Mercedes Benz 9G Tronic transmission in the dust.

Peruvian hair is a waste of money

As Hector drove at full speed, daughter Thando stuck her upper body out of the passenger window and repeatedly fired at Thato’s speeding VW. And during this high speed chase, Thando’s expensive wig remained in place, despite the wind. What is the point of paying R1,499 for a lace-front wig if it doesn’t even blow in the wind? The car chase was obviously filmed at normal vehicle speed and made to look real by sound effects.

Cars have bedroom windowpanes

When Thato’s car hit a tree, he was launched through his windscreen and landed on the bonnet. The windscreen harpooned Thato in the chest. The scene was so scary that Mzansi Magic did not show it on the Saturday morning omnibus which airs when the kids are awake. But we have to ask this question; if safety glass is supposed to smash to small bits, how did Thato end up skewered to death by his windscreen?

Harriet loves jail

The basic rule of contracts is that the underlying transaction has to be legal. You, therefore, cannot sign a contract with a hitman hired to kill your mother-in-law. Drug dealers don’t keep ledgers and files. But Harriet and Santiago signed a deal for the supply of cocaine!

Men are trash

Santiago— a man who makes a living off the death of children — appeared to have shown that not all men are trash. He rejected Brutus’ offer of women, who had names like “Candy” and “Icing Sugar.”

But later he took Candy with him to his hotel room where she died between the sheets, proving that sex kills. So is there even one decent man out there?

Cleaning is a vital life skill

Most mothers teach their sons to wash behind the ears and sweep their own bedrooms. But Harriet Khoza taught her sons to clean up crime scenes.

Thato had superpowers

Remember Marvel Comics’ super hero quartet, the Fantastic Four? There was The Thing, Human Torch, Invisible Girl and Mr Fantastic who could stretch himself like rubber. During the car chase, Thato dropped his phone onto the passenger side floor before flying out the car windscreen. But as he took his final breaths, Thato had somehow regained possession of his phone from his position on the car bonnet. The only way this is happening is with Thato having Mr Fantastic’s powers of elasticity.

Nobody has a camera phone?

When Thato helped Vuyiswa solve the golf course shooting, it was because he knew that somebody was bound to have recorded video footage on their cell phone. This is the age we live in; some fame hunter will record every incident.

As Thando shot at Thato, nobody recorded it, even though we saw cars driving by.

Phathu hates weddings

Screenwriters Gwydion Beynon and Phathu Makwarela routinely cause mayhem at weddings in all their scripts. If we suspected Phathu hates weddings, we now know for sure.

Never trust a slay queen

We are all encouraged to keep an emergency contact on speed dial. This is someone who you call when you slip and fall in the bathroom and can’t get up. Thato chose to call Siyanda, as he lay dying on his car bonnet, with the bedroom windowpane sticking out of his back like a dinosaur. Siyanda stepped out of the wedding hall only to go back inside, because she was so focused on the wedding. Never ever put your life in the hands of a slay queen. If Thato had phoned Schumacher, or even Kagiso, his worst enemy, he might still be alive.

Rest in peace Boy-Boy.


Till next week, my pen is capped


The Queen airs weekdays at 9:00pm on Mzansi Magic

 Images from Twitter, videos from YouTube

 Connect with the author on Twitter @RewindMzansi


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