Nudes leaked

What to do when your nudes are leaked

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There is an old Wakanda proverb – he who keeps nudes on his phone must keep his romance a secret. Okay. I just made that up. But this is a principle to live by.

You are seated in your bedroom, happily chatting to your cousin, and then she looks up from her phone, disaster; your nudes are trending on social media. You are just fifteen and now the whole world has seen you naked. Apart from wishing the ground would just swallow you up, what do you do?

A secret love

Ntokozo and Buhle’s romance ended abruptly with a slap to the face – or so we thought. But it turns out the two young lovers had planned the whole thing. Ntokozo and Buhle must have known that Gladys would demand proof of break up, which is exactly what they gave her. Just to make sure the elders believed that the kids had truly broken up, Buhle really gave Ntokozo a slap that must have left him with a galaxy of stars circling around his eyes. The very next day, they began to see each other secretly.

Unfortunately, keeping a relationship secret isn’t so easy, especially when feelings take over. This has become a something of a dispute between Buhle and Ntokozo. He wants complete secrecy, she wants to shout it from the corrugated steel rooftops of Gomora. And, in the end, it is Buhle’s tendency for over-share that brought disaster.

The deepening of the Buhle-Ntokozo romance has alienated him from his friends. Teddy seems to be always hanging about, like the kid who wants to join a bike gang yet he doesn’t have a bicycle. Ntokozo and Buhle are doing couple things and hanging out with other Gomora Secondary lovers. The couples snuck into the school at night to watch a movie – popcorn, dim lights, the works –  which was, sadly, disrupted by Mohato the security guard.

When they were not stealing moments together, Ntokozo and Buhle swapped nudes. Never a good idea when one party is prone to over-sharing her love life.

Melusi mends his marriage

Gladys harbours an irrational fear of losing her husband to Thathi. As a consequence of her insecurity, she and Melusi slept in separate beds after a fight. Next morning, Melusi tried to appease his wife with breakfast in bed, which she coldly rebuffed.

At work, Melusi sought the advice of someone who understands women – another woman. Jackie Hlungwane suggested a romantic getaway. It worked! The moment Melusi announced that he had booked them accommodation, Gladys’ frosty attitude melted. With Mr and Mrs Dlamini away, they left Zodwa in charge.

Langa comes to terms with Buhle dating

Buhle was born with a sterling silver spoon in her mouth. She is accustomed to getting her way. She expects her boyfriend to spoil her with romantic dinners, rendezvous in Parisian cafés and stargazing dates. But Ntokozo is just a school boy, unless he goes back to stealing cars, he can’t afford all that. So what was he to do? He got creative.  He built a telescope with his own hands, magnifying glasses and rolls of manila paper. He ticked off Buhle’s stargazing fantasy. For dinner, he and Buhle dressed up and shared a virtual dinner, food, candles and all. They communicated via video from their separate homes. Pretty romantic, heh. What remained on Buhle’s dream list was a date in a French coffee shop.

With Principal Dlamini away, Ntokozo staged his father’s office like a French café, complete with a spread of delectable confectionary and a chequered table mat. Big brother Langa played the coffee shop manager, a task he accepted on one condition; that there be no kissing between his friend and his sister. If they are already exchanging nudes, then them kissing should be the least of Langa’s worries. Perhaps Langa has finally come to terms with his sister and best friend dating.

Sonto puts Sbonga in his place

Teddy finally admitted to his mother that he had lent his money (R1000) to Ntokozo so that he could pay for the Dlaminis’ spa day – a trick to get them out of the house so he could sleep with Buhle. Zodwa was not impressed; she works hard for her money and Ntokozo is the son of a school principal who lives in a double storey house.

With the Dlaminis away, Zodwa straightened out Ntokozo. Give Teddy back his money so he can record his demo or I will tell your parents. Ntokozo immediately asked Buhle for a loan to repay Teddy. Finally Teddy has a professionally recorded demo tape for his football commentary dream.

Guess who else needed straightening out. With his wife sinking deeper into a barrel of booze, Sbonga was concerned for Pretty. So he approached Mam Sonto with what he thought was a great solution for the inheritance problem. But Sonto shot him down immediately, leaving him as embarrassed as a girl whose nudes have been leaked to her church friends. Poor Sbonga. He meant well, but he should have remembered that no mother-in-law respects a son-in-law who lives off her generosity.

Let’s go 50-50 like Mandoza

After Pretty discovered that Sonto had disinherited her and made Thathi sole heir, she went on a drink binge. After giving Mam Sonto the silent treatment, she later sat both her mother and sister down. Pretty had a proposal: just give me half of your house and tavern. Sonto refused. Finally Sonto revealed the reason for choosing Thathi as her heir. Apart from having a business brain, Thathi is more family oriented. When Thathi went to get school supplies, she bought backpacks for her own children as well as Tshiamo, her niece. But when Pretty bought school tackies, she only bought a pair for Tshiamo – her own child – illustrating that she would only look out for herself in the event that she inherited Sonto’s money.

Pretty sought legal counsel, but quickly left that idea after she baulked at the hourly rate for lawyer’s consultation fees. The two sisters went back to living separate lives; separate groceries, separate cooking pots and separate DSTV accounts, on Pretty’s insistence.

On the final evening of the week, Pretty discovered that she was out of cooking supplies. She took Thathi’s vegetables and began to chop them up. When Thathi found her mid-theft, she reminded her that it was her who had wanted to live and eat separately. In the ensuing argument, Pretty, dementedly waving a knife, slashed her sister’s wrist!

But as the grownups quarrelled over carrots in the kitchen, in the girls bedroom, a much bigger disaster unfolded.

Nudes and bragging

What’s that Wakanda proverb again? She who keeps nude photos on her phone should keep her relationship a secret. Buhle did the opposite.

At every opportunity, Buhle dragged her friends along to meetings with Ntokozo. And then she bragged about all his creative romantic gestures. Buhle was still bragging when she allowed one of her friends – a frenemy really – to scroll through the pictures of Ntokozo’s French café set up. And that’s when the jealous frenemy saw the naked pictures of Ntokozo and Buhle. She selected all pictures before hitting the share button. Horror!

What do you do when your nudes are leaked?


What do you do if your nude photographs make it onto the public domain? There is really just one solution. Here is another old Wakanda saying: Prevention is better than cure.

Don’t take nudes to begin with. Just don’t do it. If you want to swap nudes, it’s better to do a naked video call. Unless one of you takes a screenshot, there is absolutely no record of your nudity.

Till next week, my pen is capped




Gomora airs weekdays at 7:30pm on Mzansi Magic


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