I blew it - Dollar wants his money back

I blew it – how Siyanda chowed R2,000,000

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My weekday television schedule is pretty much the same; when 9:00pm arrives, you know I’m on Mzansi Magic watching The Queen, but in the last week, I kept having the strange feeling that I was watching I Blew It.

To rewind beyond last week, a very broke Siyanda found a bag filled with R2,000,000 in rubber band wrapped bank notes. Having lost her money in Solly’s health juice scam, she found herself unable to pay rent. After finding a duffel bag of cash, she went on a shopping spree; clothes, champagne, hotel room service – because living in a back room was now beneath her – hosting a party for complete strangers and a getting herself a BMW. Imagine that, you find money at your place of work and then you buy, not a humble Toyota Yarris but a whole BMW, a car that screams “look at me, I just stole R2,000,000!”

Pay back the money

I had really hoped Siyanda would simply use the money to pay her overdue rent and keep the rest in case the rightful owner came looking for it. But when she eased that BMW into the corner house carpark, I got the eerie sense that I was watching I Blew. I pressed the info button on the remote and, sure as Connie is Shona’s wife, the information bar said I was watching The Queen.

The one good thing Siyanda did with the stolen money was giving R100,000 to her daughter’s grandmother for the child’s needs. But the money she took belonged to a dangerous man who wasn’t going to give her a pass just because R100,000 went towards buying Barbie dolls and school Toughees. After managing to evade the rightful owner of the stolen cash, Siyanda was finally cornered. She found herself in the bright glare of Dollar’s shiny floral suits, and he wasn’t playing.

Dollar pressed his forearm across Siyanda’s neck and held a gun to her pretty little chin. After scaring her to the brink of incontinence, Dollar gave Siyanda 72 hours to pay back his money, as if she was going to pop round to the bank and make a two million withdrawal.

Siyanda’s I Blew It moment

When you have spent the whole of December shouting “Ke Dezember boss” and buying drinks for your chomies, January 1st is about the time you have that feeling of I Blew It. For Siyanda, this feeling must have come over her when she found herself back at the same corner house where she abandoned an honest job and kept the waitresses busy refilling her champagne glass.

Siyanda held a garage sale at Thato’s corner house where she tried desperately to sell her newly acquired outfits but with little success. The car which had won her many admirers had to go. She sold it but she still remained far from raising Dollar’s R2,000,000. With desperation rising, she even came close to stealing from Thato’s cash box. But nothing says I Blew It more than the time Siyanda mustered the guts, the arrogance, the liver to walk into the Khoza mansion where she hoped to ask for Kagiso’s help. Schumacher had told her it was a bad day but she said the Khozas have millions just “laying around”. At the Khoza mansion, Kagiso did not even let her pitch her idea.

“I’m a father now,” ubaba kaMvelo told her firmly, just as baby mama, Goodness walked onto the scene. Where Kagiso was cold and firm, Goodness was salty and confrontational. After an exchange of insults with Goodness, Siyanda left with nothing but that I Blew It feeling.

Meanwhile, Georgina began to suspect that her former friend was involved in something illegal. The slay cop suspected Siyanda’s new money was drug related. With Hector Sebata’s permission, Georgina began to monitor Siyanda.

Just when Siyanda thought her problems couldn’t get any worse, a message beeped on her phone. She opened it. Horror! Dollar had taken her daughter, Neo. Mr bright pyjama suits isn’t playing.


Charlie’s hidden agenda

Charles was on the phone with someone just as Noma walked into the guest bedroom. She overhead him discussing listening devices and bringing down the Khozas. Naturally, Noma, who owes her post-marital fresh start in life to Harriet was livid. Her first instinct was to run and tell Harriet. And she would have done so, had Charles not physically prevented her. Charlie then explained to Noma that he had been charged with a tax offence from which he could only escape by assisting the prosecutor in an undercover operation to arrest the Khozas.

Noma was left with the dilemma of choosing between her bae and best friend, a quandary for which the frank talking Patronella invoked the girl code; always choose your best friend.

Snitch or go to jail

After Noma learned Charlie’s motive, the guilt of carrying his secret gnawed away at her insides. As a result, she avoided Harriet and began to give off the distinct impression that she no longer wanted to marry Charlie. But, to Harriet, Noma’s marriage doubts must have come across as a slight case of cold feet. While Noma was avoiding Harriet, the Khoza matriarch was busy planning her friend’s wedding as though it were her own. Harriet has been single since season one – remember that brief encounter with Zack Phiri – so she must have the vicarious yearning a little for romance.

Charles took Noma out to a restaurant. She had made up her mind to come clean to Harriet, until a stranger interrupted Charles and Noma. Just as Noma was about to shoo the man away, Charles introduced him as the prosecutor. In all of Charlie’s shady business deals, Noma was implicated so his arrest meant she too would end up in a bright orange outfit and having Tyson for a jailhouse girlfriend. The only way Noma could avoid becoming Tyson’s love toy is if she helps plant bugs all over the Khoza mansion and truck depot.

Harriet catches Noma red-handed

It was a close call when loyal employee Antoinette entered the dining room  and found Noma  with her head under the table where she planted one bug. But Noma pretending to be looking for a misplaced earring – an expensive gift of high sentimental value, she added. Antoinette (real name Tsholo Dithejane-) seemed to ponder this strange incident but quickly shrugged it off.  Phew! Brow wipe moment for Noma.

In order to plant a bug in Harriet’s office, Noma had to steal the keys to the Khoza Trucking premises. Together with Charlie, Noma went to the truck depot at night. Meanwhile, Harriet had misplaced her cellphone and keys and drove back to the office to look for them. She entered the office to find Noma and Charlie’s heads popping up from under the desk. Harriet drew her gun on them and demanded to know their reason for being there at night. Noma spun a story about she and Charles wanting to get intimate in every possible location, for the sake of “spicing up their relationship” and Harriet believe her. Another phew moment.

Harriet senses danger

Noma may have gotten away with that lie but she left incriminating proof of her treachery on Harriet’s desk; a bug, out in the open. Harriet found the listening device and began to sense that the long arm of the law was reaching out to grab her. With suspicion aroused, Harriet began to ponder the office incident with Noma and Charles.

“How did you manage to get into the office?” she asked Noma.

The Queen review

The cast comprises top-notch industry professionals whose acting ability is incontestable. But often the supporting actors seem like they were picked randomly from a PowerBall Plus draw. The latest casting flaw is the prosecutor who can’t act to save his kid’s life, if it was his daughter Dollar had kidnapped.

I also found it odd that the prosecutor would have a state witness planting bugs on his behalf. Surely the prosecutor, with probable cause, would obtain a warrant for police to plant the bugs. Any evidence collected from the illegal bugs would not be admissible in court, unless the prosecutor only needs preliminary information before obtaining a warrant. But we can’t let story correctness get in the way of fiction can we.

Till next week, my pen is capped


The Queen airs weekdays at 9:00pm on Mzansi Magic


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