How to out-queen The Queen

Jessica Nkosi aims to outqueen The Queen

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Outqueen: /aʊt–kwiːn verb, to outshine another alpha woman, from the social media word “queening”.

Thank goodness for Brutus. Were it not for the apple munching weird uncle, the Khozas would be arranging a second funeral in as many weeks. With the rest of the family downstairs salivating over Antoinette’s special meal, Harriet, the Queen, was bleeding into her bathwater from a self inflicted cut on her wrist.

Enemies under one roof

Poor Antoinette, who surely deserves a huge bonus – if not hours of counselling – for all the grisly things she has witnessed at the Khoza mansion, stood in the driveway with palms clasped together as Harriet departed in a wailing ambulance. Inside the ambulance, Brutus pleaded with the Hlase ancestors to spare Harriet’s life.

Harriet was not the only one to be carried off in an ambulance. From Tembisa, Thatho, who had caught a bullet meant for Vuyiswa, arrived in the emergency room. Brutus, waiting on news from Harriet’s doctors, bumped into the worried looking Vuyiswa. Of course, Vuyiswa assumed that Brutus had come to kill her. But Brutus laughed off her accusations and told her that he neither blamed her for Kea’s death nor intended to kill her. Brutus, briefly forgetting his anxiety over Harriet, added that he was quite keen for a coupling between himself and Vuyiswa, a proposition which she found absurd. But it was enough for her to exclude the Khozas from the list of possible Jerry Maake killers.

Vuyiswa has a change of heart

The Maake ancestors must have worked overtime to prevent another of their children from crossing to the afterlife so soon after Jerry’s death. Thato made a speedy recovery after a successful surgery. Vuyiswa happened to hear a radio call-in show in which Thato’s shooting was lead topic. After a caller expressed fear for the lives of Vuyiswa and Thato, the normally headstrong policewoman decided to hand over Jerry’s murder case to another investigator. Although he feigned disappointment, Hector Sebata was mightily pleased that Vuyiswa was finally out of the way.  Despite leaving the case alone, Vuyiswa suggested to Sebata that he gets CCTV footage from the golf course in order to check for the helicopter’s registration number. Sebata sent Jaros to obtain the CCTV footage before editing out the helicopter’s incriminating identification number.

Feeling that the case had gone cold, Vuyiswa confided in Thato about the helicopter number. Thato, being in the tech savvy youthful demographic, suggested that she try looking for the golf course shooting video footage on social media. You would expect that, with bullets flying, nobody would have had the thought of filming the helicopter. Surely everyone would have been running for their lives, right? But Thato’s advice proved solid. Vuyiswa found the helicopter’s unique ID number. From there, she was able to obtain the name of the person who hired the aircraft – Jaros.

Vuyiswa was truly back on the case. But her cop instincts deserted her. Rule number one about dirty cops is that when you find one, then there are probably several more. Vuyiswa should have been discrete. Instead she went to Sebata and yelled out her findings.

A cop on the run

With Vuyiswa screaming accusations, Jaros made his escape – a speedy exit for one so large – leading to a manhunt. The search took Vuyiswa, Georgina and other officers to Jaros’ plush home, proving that crime does pay – as long as you don’t get caught. In Jaros’ house was a note left for Vuyiswa. He wanted a meeting at which he promised to reveal the depth of police corruption. Vuyiswa – still ignorant of the identity of her true enemy – once again gave all the information to her boss. Sebata had grown tired of Jaros’ constant foul-ups, not to mention that he had had to cover up when Vuyiswa suspected his recent limp was the result of getting shot as he escaped the Maake home. Sebata made contact with Jaros and the conversation sounded valedictory. “See you around” he said.

Jessica Nkosi outqueens Connie Ferguson

The meeting between Jaros and Vuyiswa took place in the sort of venue where nothing good ever happens; a desolate wasteland surrounded by high ridges from where a marksman could easily pick off the targets down below. Did I say marksman? Why not markswoman? How presumptuous of me.

Jaros had specifically told Vuyiswa to come alone. But she concealed Hector Sebata inside her car boot as backup, in case things got messy, which often happens where dirty cops are involved. But things did not get messy. In fact, everything was… clinical. High up on a grassy ridge, much like the hills she left in Bhubesini, Jessica Nkosi, assembled a sniper rifle. A gunshot rang out and pink mist spurted from Jaros’ chest. He fell to the ground as Vuyiswa sought cover behind her vehicle. Hector jumped out and discharged his weapon aimlessly, even though his mission was accomplished.

Jessica Nkosi coolly took her rifle apart, like a professional, before vanishing from the scene – outqueening Connie who hasn’t had as much success with a similar sniper gun. With Vuyiswa preoccupied with finding the shooter, Hector walked up to Jaros as he took his final gasps. Sebata gave a moving goodbye speech to an old friend standing at death’s door:


Imagine that, the last thing Jaros heard was voetsek.

Harriet has a Damascene moment

After warning that Harriet’s life balanced on a knife edge, the medical staff eventually managed to save the drug Queen. Kagiso, who was torn with guilt for having contributed towards Harriet’s suicide attempt, was unable to face his mother even though she held no ill feeling. Finally Kagiso and Harriet made up. What followed next was unexpected, if you’ve never had a near death experience, that is.

Harriet announced that she wanted the Khozas to leave the drug business and focus purely on their legitimate trucking company. Brutus and Shaka opposed her at first. But her argument was compelling. The Khozas had lost too many family members to the cocaine trade. Brutus and Shaka gave up. She did not need to convince Kagiso. For years, he has wanted the Khozas to go legit.

This was not the only change in Harriet. After thanking long serving helper Antoinette, Harriet forbade her to call her “madam” insisting on “Mam Harriet.” Antoinette was thrilled to learn that she will have first pick from Kea’s vast wardrobe – not that the slender woman has the curves to squeeze into Kea’s designer outfits.

Skhumbuzo “Dollar” Zulu and Jasmine – newly reinstated to the drug trade after having been banished by Harriet – were not as thrilled about the Queen’s change of heart. With Harriet leaving the drug business, they were at a loss about where they would get their next supply.

Jessica Nkosi was not done outqueening Connie. No sooner had Harriet left Dollar’s Blue Moon office than The Queen’s newest supporting lady arrive on the scene. She left a brick of cocaine for the stunned Jasmine and Dollar. Supply contract sealed. Later she held up a wine glass to join Hector in a toast to the Sebata empire.

I guess The Queen has outqueened Isibaya. Welcome Thando Sebata.

Till next week, my pen is capped


The Queen airs weekdays at 9:00pm on Mzansi Magic

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