At one time, Harriet Khoza was literally The Queen Mzansi of channel 161, DSTV. There was always something to look forward to: the Khozas versus Jerry Maake (rest in peace Uncle Sho) Khozas taking down Goldfinger, Goodness two-timing Kagiso and Shaka, Khozas versus Diamond Mabuza, the explosive wedding on the river, deep voiced Uncle Shibase traveling all the way from KZN to help bring down Diamond, crack of dawn shoot out at the Khoza Mansion, helicopters, guns, broken wine bottles. That was my favourite show, The Queen Mzansi.
Ferguson Films May never reach those heights again — except maybe with Rockville, another gem from South Africa’s favourite power couple.
Like a coffin slowly rolling towards the cremation chamber, The Queen Mzansi was sliding towards it’s demise when news came that the show would be cancelled early next year, January 2023. It came as no surprise, because everyone saw that the show was no longer the same.
But wait, a rescue plan. Brutus went home to KZN, evicted from The Khoza mansion, by two none Khozas, no less. This was the turning point of the show. There among the mooing cows and the inyama eating Zulu people, we found a rescuer. Brutus’ family; MaJali, Bhambatha, Mlungisi, Cebo and Nkosiyabo. There was a gaping plot hole — MaJali is not really the wife, it should be MaKhumalo — but we soon fell in love with Bhambatha and his unsophisticated rural brothers, so much that we forgave the writers for this faux pas.
Pushed by his sons to fight back, Brutus loaded his wife and children onto the family wagon and drove to Joburg. The Queen Mzansi began to trend on Twitter, just like in the old days when we had Shaka, Kea, Kagiso, all of whom have left the show out of mischief and or search for new pastures.
Wait, The Queen falls again
Last week, Brutus Khoza’s hard work was completely undone. With the audience back in their sofas at 9:00pm, expecting more excitement, The Queen Mzansi served up…. two maids fighting over wages. Sigh.
Harriet handed over helpers, Antoinette and Dorcas’ payslips, inside two separate envelopes. But “Madam” made a blunder and swapped the payslips around. Antoinette, alone at work, got Dorcas’ payslip. She opened what she thought was her salary slip only to find Dorcas earned more money than her!
This led to a week long shade throwing by Antoinette, who tried to speak to Harriet but was interrupted by an important phone call. At every opportunity, Antoinette resorted to throwing dirt over Dorcas’ name.
The shade throwing continued even after hours when the two helpers, Antoinette (real nameTsholofelo Dithejane) and Dorcas (real name Matshidiso Malope) finally came close to exchanging blows. Dorcas the drunk, who has a lot of tavern experience, picked up a beer bottle and threatened to smash it over Antoinette’s head. Mercifully Sis Pat came between them. I would have loved to see that fight.
Vuyiswa remembers to be pregnant
After a two week holiday in the Eastern Cape, Vuyiswa Jola (real name Zandile Msutwana) returned to Tembisa. Vuyiswa and her producers seemed to have forgotten the normal progression of a human pregnancy and kept her looking flat bellied and virginal for many months. Now Sis Vee looks the part of an expectant mother. Hector bumped into her at a restaurant and immediately became broody. Before the baby bump appeared, Hector felt “cheated” by Vuyiswa whom he accused of “tricking him into getting pregnant.”
Wait, how does a man get tricked into impregnating his wife? Did he not see himself lying next to, or on top of Vuyiswa? What did he think they were doing then — midnight yoga?
Anyway, the sight of Vuyiswa with her swollen abdomen triggered Hector’s fathering instinct. He asked Vuyiswa to let him be a part of his child’s life. But Vuyiswa isn’t having any of that. Not only did Hector lose his parental rights when he refused to have a baby but he also became Vuyiswa’s enemy when he slept with a drug dealer. Vuyiswa also fears that her unborn baby might meet the same fate as Kea Khoza and Mpho Sebata — death from a stray bullet meant for their drug dealer parents.
Encouraged by Lady Macbeth, Harriet, Hector hired a lawyer. He not only wants access to his child but he also wants full custody of the baby. What the hell does he think Vuyiswa is — an incubator?
Bye-bye Gigi
Apart from the child custody fight and two helpers fighting for scraps (can you imagine millionaire Harriet pays Dorcas only R10,000 a month) Brutus bought MaJali a Mercedes Benz. Unfortunately MaJali cannot drive, because men like Brutus want their women to remain fully dependent on them. So for her first day out shopping, Nkosi was instructed to be chauffeur. After dropping his mom off at the mall, Nkosi disappeared with the new car and went off to impress the other kids. He and Goodness had a quarrel over the noise level at his table. When Goodness asked him to shoosh, the nouveau riche Nkosi became even louder. After leaving Noma’s, drunk as Brutus, Nkosi almost crashed the brand new Benz.
As you can tell, there was pretty much very little that happened last week. Apart from Harriet’s helpers fighting. This is what it’s come to, sadly.
Georgina Zulu (real name Sibusisiwe Jili) will be leaving The Queen Mzansi come September. Perhaps even Georgina is pissed off with the decline of The Queen Mzansi. This is not what the slay cop signed up for. Here is one of Georgina’s earliest scenes.
Till next week, my pen is capped
The Queen airs weekdays at 9:00pm on Mzansi Magic, DSTV
