Brutus turns Rambo

Brutus turns Rambo as Sebata-Khoza war escalates

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It was supposed to be a quick, professional raid, get in, kill Brutus, kill everyone and get out fast. But there is a saying that goes man plans, God laughs. And Brutus Khoza (real name Themba Ndeba) was laughing along with Him.

“Man plans, God laughs”

Schumacher turns malala pipe

Schumacher Toto (real name Vuyo Ngcukana) has been on both ends of the income spectrum. He has been a millionaire, through marriage and he has been a struggling company driver. But last week, Schumacher, the reformed conman, struck a new low when he found himself sleeping on the streets and foraging for food in rubbish bins. After being thrown out of the Zulu home, he slept on streets and inside the storeroom at Khoza Trucking. Even though he still vehemently defended his innocence, Patronella still believed he stole her R200,000 in cash. His sweetheart Georgina did not defend him, she broke up with him, believing that he had stolen the cash. But there was still a nagging feeling which made Georgina doubt her standpoint. She began to look into the Schumacher theft investigation. She needn’t have bothered. Because the crime solved itself.

Patronella finds the missing cash

Have you ever heard people saying I was so embarrassed I wished the ground would open up and swallow me? Patronella thought she had put the Schumacher menace out of her life, having fired him without pay and also kicked him out of the Zulu home. She was bent over, under the under the restaurant counter, with her signature apartheid era wig when she discovered a familiar looking bag. The R200,000, un-stolen, un-missing, un-lost! The first person Sis Pat told was Goodness Mabuza. And Goodness advised her to keep quiet because there would be no coming back from such an embarrassing confession. Of course Goodness would say that, because she was the first person to finger Schumacher as the R200,000 thief. Patronella was overcome with guilt. She summoned Schumacher to KwaPatty. The tall man excepted the usual Xhosa accented hostility from his former boss. But instead he received a cold beer and warm reception. She allowed him to move back home. But Patronella did not confess. Eventually Patronella confessed to her husband and daughter. Just as the Zulus sat at the table staring at the un-stolen money, Schumacher walked in and laid down his bags. It was too late for Patronella to confess. Schumacher picked up his bags and walked out the same way he came. When he returned, he was in the company of the same cop who arrested him for theft. Patronella was taken into custody. Schumacher had filed for defamation of character criminal charges. How life quickly turns around.

Thando and Bhambatha’s secret love

After Bhambatha had overpowered and killed Thando’s thugs, Thando arrived in the abandoned warehouse to find herself staring down his pistol barrel. Because she had thought Bhambatha was her enemy, her eyes were filled with fear. But when Bhambatha held the gun by its nose and offered the pistol grip to her — “if you really believe I betrayed you, go ahead and kill me” — she knew, at last that he was not the enemy.

At the next scene change, Thando and Bhambatha sat with their thighs crossed over one another’s and, rather symbolically, their weapons similarly interlinked on the warehouse floor. All is cosy in love and war.
Bhambatha staggered into his mother’s kitchen, exaggerating his injuries from the abduction/lovemaking. He told them of his great escape but said nothing about reuniting with Thando.
Meanwhile at the Khoza mansion, which is really now the Sebata mansion, Thando put on a similar act of having broken up with Bhambatha.

That girl is poison

MaJali and Brutus have, for a long time, referred to Harriet as “that witch”. What’s that thing they say about untrue words repeated too often? They begin to sound true.
Hector wanted to launch an attack on Brutus and his family. But Harriet forbade it. Instead she suggested a getaway, so that she and Hector to strategise.
Thando stole this opportunity to sneak Bhambatha into her bedroom for strawberries and cream, like it was Wimbledon season. Bhambatha brought the tennis balls — wink wink.
Brutus interrupted Bhambatha and Thando when he phoned and asked his son to come and join him and the brothers in a celebratory drink. MaJali’s birthday was around the corner and she had sent Bhambatha to get him a special birthday cake. Bhambatha attempted to use the birthday cake as his escape from joining Brutus. But Brutus insisted. Bhambatha left Thando, unserviced, in her night gown.
Bhambatha should have stayed with Thando and seen to her needs. Because death was waiting at Noma’s restaurant. Behind the bar counter, at Noma’s, a waiter unlidded the bottle of whiskey that Brutus had ordered. He sprinkled poison into the bottle and closed it. After raising his poisoned chalice aloft, Brutus invited his sons to join him in a toast. Sithi shears! (Cheers)
But there was no cheer. In a few heartbeats, all the Khoza men bent double and clutched their stomachs in agony. Nkosi, the youngest, bled from the nose.
Harriet the “witch” had struck.

Brutus knows the enemy

Brutus had lived and worked with Harriet long enough to know that she was behind the poisoning attempt. If Goodness hadn’t quickly called for an ambulance, MaJali would have been planning a burial for five rather her birthday party.

Brutus confronted Harriet and Hector as they arrived from their getaway. Brutus knew this was no lovers’ retreat. It was Harriet’s cover for the strike on Brutus’ family. His visit was merely to let Harriet know that he was onto her.
Harriet and Hector knew that they had to strike quickly, because Brutus now knew they had murder plans.

MaJali’s bloody birthday bash

The poison was barely out of their system when Harriet and Hector struck again.
When Harriet discovered that Thando had helped Bhambatha in finding a cake for her mamazala, Harriet saw an opportunity. She collected the cake and put together a small assault team.

In Brutus’ driveway, the assailants, dressed baker’s uniforms, hopped out of the van with guns ready. Hector gave Mjekejeke a gun.

“What for?” said the puzzled Mjakes.
Exasperated, Hector told Mjekejeke to stay in the van. Mjekejeke sat on the open tailgate, happy to have a gun and toying with the loaded pistol.
At the house, Hector and Harriet stormed the birthday party, giving the usual “freeze, put your hands up” command.
Brutus, his sons and all the drug dealer friends were caught off guard. Nobody moved. Until Mjekejeke, playing with the gun, dropped it. Bang! It went off, triggering the shootout.
Brutus and his sons took cover and returned fire. Dollar and Jasmine joined in. As the battle raged, Brutus snuck away to his armoury. In the car park, Mjekejeke  heard the sounds of World War Three and ran. He met Thando at the gate, waved and kept running! When she had phoned the bakery to follow up on the cake order, she knew something was amiss when the store owner told her “Thando had collected it”.

Brutus turns Rambo

Thando arrived at Brutus’ house to stop the war. But nobody knew that. As bullets flew towards her, she fell to the floor and hid next to Hector and Harriet. Which only made her look like she was involved.

Brutus came back out with Rambo’s gun. While Hector and Harriet’s men could only fire one round at a time, Brutus’ rifle spat rapid fire. Flashbacks of Rambo on the back of the jeep!

Realizing that they were outnumbered and outgunned, the survivors retreated. Which is military talk for they ran like cowards.

The Khoza boys cheered. But their joy was short lived. MaJali was down. Shot on her birthday.
There is no denying that Brutus and his sons have saved The Queen Mzansi. The show needed a lift and this is what they have provided; Nkosiyabo’s mischief, Mlungisi’s violent streak and Bhambatha’s secret love affair with Thando.
But to push this subplot, the writers have often opted for the ridiculous and impractical. Harriet is the master of planning. Lately she has been portrayed as a bumbling amateur. Brutus is an idiot. Now he is a war genius.
Hector, using his police training, led the most hair raising dawn raid on the Khozas. Helicopters, armoured vehicles, mercenaries. Why does he now fail to deal with the dim-witted Brutus?
The machine gun scene, while thoroughly amusing, was to be honest, stuff for Takalani Sesame. As for the special effects team, E for effort. When a machine gun is fired, you have to see flying shells ejected from the rifle. You want to hear cartridges falling like hail to the ground. Concrete walls must be dimpled and scarred from bullets. We saw none of that. Still, Brutus (real name Themba Ndaba) single-handedly defeated an army. All by himself, Brutus dragged The Queen Mzansi straight to the top of the Twitter trends list.
Till next time, my pen is capped
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