After last week’s shocking scenes from The Queen Mzansi, I was left wondering how best to describe Hector Sebata’s new situationship: is it cheating if a man marries his mistress and then goes back to cheat on his new wife (the former mistress) with the same ex wife they cheated on? I don’t know about you but that sounds like karma to me.

Society often judges mistresses more harshly than the adulterous men with whom they hook up. When Vuyiswa caught Hector cheating on him, two months ago, she was violently enraged and threatened to shoot Harriet, his mistress. The mistress seems to carry all the blame. Perhaps this is why Karma is crueller towards the cheating woman, than the man in the middle, as Harriet Khoza found out.

Nkosiyabo jailed for attempted murder

It was supposed to be lit, it was meant to be the first party of many more to be held monthly. Being the prince of his father’s heart, Nkosiyabo Khoza (real name Craig Nobela) had plans to throw a bash regularly:
“Party with Nkosi Khoza” the billboard of his imagination said.

When Nkosi stepped out for fresh air with his friend Siya, his pal told him about a boy who had been making eyes at Nkosi’s girl. Nkosi opened his car, actually it was MaJali’s car, and took out his pistol, intending to confront this woman grabber. But Siya tried to stop him. In the struggle, Nkosi’s gun went off, shooting Siya in the stomach. As Siya lay bleeding, Nkosi hid the gun under his car.  When paramedics carted Siya away, the bystanders who filmed the incident on their cell phones did not know that the culprit was in their midst.

Back home, Nkosi burnt the clothes he had worn during the shooting and buried the pistol. He thought nobody would find out what he had done. But the cops barged in and arrested Nkosi, based on an eyewitness testimony which placed him at Noma’s. Mercifully, Siya did not die. What would have been murder became an attempted murder charge.

Nkosiyabo gets out of jail

After hiring an associate of Sandra Stein, Brutus had no joy in getting his golden child out of jail. The judge considered him a flight risk and the bail application was denied. At home, Brutus had wife MaJali buzzing in his ear constantly like a mosquito.

“Get my son out of jail before they molest him.”

MaJali’s intuition was accurate. Behind bars, the predators constantly circled Nkosi like sharks smelling blood.

When his family visited him, they found him wearing black and purple bruises.
Brutus became desperate. He put his affairs in order like a man preparing for a suicide mission. All signs pointed to Brutus arranging another Khoza jailbreak, the first was for Shaka and the next would be for his son Nkosi.

But big brother Bhambatha came up with a solution that would save his father’s life. Raiding Brutus’ safe for cash, Bhambatha went to the hospital where Siya the shooting victim was recovering. After charming his way past two grinning nurses, Bhambatha entered Siya’s room. He tossed the bag of cash at him before reminding him how his family could easily be found. Siya was to accept the money and disappear after dropping the charges. Lauryn Hill was correct; funny how money changes situation. Siya withdrew his statement and the police were powerless. Nkosi was free to go home.

Vuyiswa denies Hector access to unborn child

After Hector bumped into the heavily pregnant Vuyiswa, he began to regret his decision to turn his back on the unborn baby. Harriet encouraged him to fight for his parental rights. She even went behind Hector and set her lawyer onto Vuyiswa to intimidate her into giving the child over. But Vuyiswa became even more hostile towards Hector.

Georgina cooked up “evidence” on Hector and pushed the morally upright Vuyiswa into using it to keep Hector from the child. Although this went against her principles, Vuyiswa took the papers and confronted Hector. Harriet was away on business on this occasion. Vuyiswa told him to sign away his parental rights or risk being arrested because she did not want her child to grow up in crime, she even said Harriet’s house was full of drugs. Hector did not take the bait. They had a heated exchange. Under the stress, Vuyiswa’s water broke prematurely. Feeling labour pains coming on, she thought she could walk away. But the baby was coming. Sprawled on Harriet’s “drug filled” living room floor, Vuyiswa gave birth with Hector playing midwife. After lots of heaving, the baby emerged into the world. Silence. Panic! The baby was not crying, not breathing.

Hector administered CPR, the only thing he learned from the police force, apart from drug distribution. But the baby did not move. Just as Hector had surrendered himself to losing yet another child, the baby gave its first cry. But he was not in good health. Mother and baby were rushed to hospital. A couple of days later, Vuyiswa and Hector were finally allowed to see the child who had been in NICU all along. Plot twist, seconds into the new parents visit, the baby went into distress. Again the baby survived after the intervention of the paediatrician (real name Kanya Middleton).

Parents bonded by child

A few days after the NICU scare, Vuyiswa’s baby was declared fit to go home. At seven months premature and two near death experiences. The scriptwriters do not respect us or the laws of human biology. Anyway, we move on…

Hector apologized to Vuyiswa for the hurtful breakup. By the time this apology came, Hector and Vuyiswa had grown closer, drawn together by the near loss of their baby and even closer by Hector’s part in saving their son. With Harriet away, Hector spent most of his unemployed hours of the day at Vuyiswa’s, in theory to help with baby chores but in reality to be near Vuyiswa. Their bond grew stronger. Nobody watching at home was surprised when the kiss came. The very first kiss between Rapulana Seiphemo and Zandile Msutwana. It was as if Vuyiswa, who had never kissed Hector on The Queen Mzansi, felt outdone by that famous Hector-Harriet smooch at Khoza trucking. They kissed and I caught it on tape, so to speak.

Apart from the post-kiss awkwardness that came between them, there was more discomfort for Hector. Vuyiswa decided to name the baby after the two men whose lives were taken by Hector. Lukhanyiso Jeremiah Thato Jola. Hector was visibly uncomfortable with the name choice. But he gave his approval.

Goodness falls in love

Hector and Vuyiswa was not the only love story on The Queen Mzansi. Brutus’s brightest child, Cebolihle Khoza (real name Ntobeko Mathebula) was buying food at KwaPatty. He was mesmerised by Goodness who happened to be visiting Patronella. He approached her and turned on the KZN poetic charm. Goodness fell for it. She blinked and when next her eyes opened, she was naked, in bed with Cebo, in a hotel room, presumably one of the rooms she manages at Noma’s.

Cebo and Goodness saw more of each other. But things went south once Goodness told him she had a child. I am not ready to be a stepfather, Cebo said to Bhambatha. Of course he would be uncle, not stepfather to Mvelo. But Goodness never brought up her ties to Kagiso. Which is further proof that The Queen Mzansi writers do not take us seriously.

Goodness has already met Cebo, at the former Sebata house, where Brutus introduced her as “Mvelo’s mother.” And Goodness herself was the rescuer of Cebo, Bhambatha, Mlungisi, Nkosi and Brutus when they ingested poison at Noma’s. She knows that Cebo is her ex husband’s cousin. She would have to be daft not to know this. But we move on…

Till next week, my pen is capped

Connect with the writer on Twitter @CaptainOfMemes

The Queen Mzansi airs weekdays at 9:00pm on Mzansi Magic

At one time, Harriet Khoza was literally The Queen Mzansi of channel 161, DSTV. There was always something to look forward to: the Khozas versus Jerry Maake (rest in peace Uncle Sho) Khozas taking down Goldfinger, Goodness two-timing Kagiso and Shaka, Khozas versus Diamond Mabuza, the explosive wedding on the river, deep voiced Uncle Shibase traveling all the way from KZN to help bring down Diamond, crack of dawn shoot out at the Khoza Mansion, helicopters, guns, broken wine bottles. That was my favourite show, The Queen Mzansi.

Ferguson Films May never reach those heights again — except maybe with Rockville, another gem from South Africa’s favourite power couple.

Brutus rescues The Queen Mzansi

Bye-bye Gigi