Last week, Kagiso hogged the limelight with two identical discoveries. Twins! Sort of. But first, what’s up with Buntu?
What’s the remedy for homophobia?
After discovering his older brother’s sexuality, Buntu’s homophobia went into overdrive, referring to Schumacher by such upsetting adjectives as “disgusting.” When Thato attempted to talk sense into him, Buntu accused him of being Schumacher’s lover. Somethint told me that he was looking to get a reaction from the cuddly Corner House manager. When that didn’t set Thato off, Buntu said he had AIDS. And then everything went blank – for Buntu that is. Thato caught him with a swinging right. He lay flat on the floor with his eyes rolled into the roof of his head. Even though he deserved what he got, I held my breath, thinking Buntu was dead. Thato, thinking the worst, dragged Buntu out of the deserted restaurant and left him in the back yard. It was Schumacher – the “disgusting” big brother – who found Buntu and shook him awake.
Thato’s punch seemed to have rebooted Buntu’s brain. All the homophobia was suddenly gone, in its place came a pounding headache, the result of Thato’s knockout punch. He apologised to both Thato and Schumacher. Schumacher, visibly thrilled to have kissed and made up with the newly reformed Buntu, helped his brother fill out a job application form. Buntu was raised on violence. It’s a pity that it took violence to change Buntu’s outlook on the world.
The throbbing pain in his head was not Buntu’s only problem. His father, who had been phoning all week, ordering him to come home, suddenly showed up at the Corner House, complete with the obligatory paperboy cap that men from the Eastern Cape love so much. Upon seeing the man who had made his childhood a living hell, Schumacher, holding two beers – one for him, one for Buntu – dropped both bottles and ran. Buntu, abandoned by Schumacher for the second time, also ran from the scene. Clearly, the old man still scares the two brothers.
It’s still black tax season
Sis Patronella continues to squeeze droplets of blood and sweat from her first born. As you know, Georgina has taken a side job – she moonlights as a security guard – to help her parents rebuild their rural home which collapsed. Last week, Georgina had a brown envelope meeting with a guy who has the face for scaring defaulters. Although the meeting was brief, it was enough for one to surmise that he was a mashonisa. It is safe to assume that it is he who lent her the R28,000 she gave to Patronella.
Later in the week, Georgina delivered a wad of two hundred notes to Patronella. In typical Patronella fashion, there was not a word of thanks. She simply asked:
“Is this stolen money?”
Black tax, sigh…
For Goodness sake, stop calling
When Siyanda made her uninvited appearance at Harriet’s party, Goodness was not impressed. She had already showed signs of insecurity about a possible reunion between Kagiso and Siyanda. The next time Kagiso tried calling his new girlfriend – wait, Goodness has been his girlfriend before, so technically, she isn’t new – he found himself talking to a recorded voice. She gave no explanation so Kagiso was stuck with Goodness’ voicemail. Uncle Mziwoxolo, whom we had expected to return to Eastern Cape, stood in for his niece; drug procurement from the Khozas and of course, making sure that Patronella does not burn down his brother’s precious mansion. Indlu kabhuti, uGoldfinger! Kagiso would eventually get through to Goodness in a threeway conversation which included Siyanda. But the gore-digger (as Uncle Brutus calls her) was unaware that her rival was listening in. More about that later.
Kagiso and his bugaboo
After Siyanda gate-crashed Harriet’s party, The Queen gave instructions to Kagiso: get rid of her. Harriet was unimpressed with her son’s recent Hyde to Jeckyl transformation. “What happened to the man who respects women?” Harriet asked.
Kagiso’s troubles deepen when Siyanda, again shows up at the Khoza Trucking depot and overhears him on the phone with Goodness. That is when Siyanda discovered that he had been cheating on her. She picked up the nearest weapon she could find and went Uyajola99 on him!
I feel that Kagiso’s character has been pushed into new terrain – infidelity, lies, sexual recklessness – on account of the thinning cast. Keabetswe, Gracious, Mmabatho, Shaka, Akhona, Prince, Zack Phiri, Amogelang and Dlamini have all left without comparable replacements. This has left The Queen somewhat under-populated. A plot’s development depends on its characters. The fewer the characters, the less options for story arcs available to the scriptwriters. Let’s not forget that The Queen is the only Mzansi Magic telenovela to carry on screening new episodes throughout the coronavirus lockdown. It can’t have been easy. Back to Siyanda and Kagiso.
Siyanda seems to save her best outfits for getting dumped. When Kagiso dumped her at the Blue Moon – the first breakup – she had on a sexy black dress with a lacy neckline that put me in mind of black-suited Spiderman, Venom. This time, she was dressed in red when she responded to Kagiso’s summons. As he delivered the brief breakup speech – don’t text, don’t call, don’t come to the house – Kagiso secretly had Goodness listening in on the phone, just to prove to her he had severed all ties with his ex.
Siyanda attempted to get her waitressing job back from Thato, but she found him in an uncompromising mood. Which is understandable, given the fact that she disappeared, without so much as a voetsek, for an entire week. Ever resourceful, Siyanda went over Thato’s head and appealed to the good nature of Jerry and Vuyiswa. After crying a river for the Maakes, she was promptly reinstated. But on her first day back at work, Siyanda collapsed. At the hospital, we learned that she is pregnant. Kagiso, you bad boy! One only hopes that all the snow she has been snorting hasn’t already turned her foetus into a crack baby. More on the future Khoza baby later.
Kagiso gets shocking news
Patronella, abandoned by Goodness, was cleaning her boss’ bedroom when she discovered not one but two pregnancy test sticks. Kagiso did it again. Goodness is pregnant, yes, on and off screen. Despite all his efforts, Goodness continued to ignore Kagiso’s pleas. As Kagiso pleaded with Goodness on the phone, Siyanda appeared at the Khoza mansion. When Kagiso paid no attention to her, she screamed out the one sentence that no man can ignore.
Wait, so if Goodness and Siyanda give birth within the same month, the kids would be twins, right? Well, sort of twins.
I have always wanted to live in the Khoza mansion, swim in that sparkling pool and maybe drive Harriet’s Porsche. But right now, I wouldn’t want to be in Kagiso’s shoes.
Till next week, my pen is capped
image Mzansi Magic YouTube
A fan of natural African hair with a love for books and television. If it’s on Mzansi Magic… I’ve probably seen it.
My pen is capped